Status Anxiety
Men will do anything to stay top dog. Just when you think they may have evolved a little, grasped there’s more to life than jockeying for position, you realise they rarely change – not when status is at stake.
I’ve been reminded of the male addiction to power and prestige at all costs this week watching not just Tony Blair but, unlikely as it sounds, Keith Richards.
Since before the days of the Caesars, who had to be stabbed, poisoned or assassinated by their own troops to dig them from office, men have been prepared to sacrifice anything for kingpin position. Oh, women have their moments: you can still see the skid marks on the steps of 10 Downing Street where Margaret Thatcher was prised out. But most women have the grace to know when to stand aside because other priorities beyond money and rank count in their lives.
Men, conversely, have a knee-jerk urge to hold tight to what makes them feel important. Tony Blair’s knuckles must be blue-white from gripping the front door knob – the removal vans will have loaded up little Leo’s toy-box and still Blair will be insisting he’s a viable premier. Despite losing the support of even his most loyal party members, a compromised Cabinet and a poor showing in the local elections, he refuses to decipher the writing on the wall. His sole remaining backer is the self-interested Bush administration, wary of a successor who might distance himself from the US President, but Blair is convinced he can cling on. It’s painfully obvious he’s finished; obvious to everyone except Blair, that is.
It’s not just politicians who don’t know when to downsize or retire. Keith Richards is to rejoin the Rolling Stones’ tour in a matter of weeks, despite having undergone surgery to remove a blood clot from his brain.
At the rump end of a life that has been neither healthy nor restrained, the 62-year-old might reflect on his good fortune at receiving a wakeup call. Falling out of a coconut tree and landing on his head sounds like a clear message that it’s time to slow down. But in common with Blair, Richards seems more willing to contemplate death by a thousand cuts than time out. Such a stance echoes that hollow maxim of the 60s it’s better to burn out than fade away.
At the nub of this blind refusal to cut your losses is what philosopher Alain de Botton described as status anxiety, a condition to which men are particularly susceptible because they rely on their jobs for a sense of self-worth. Prefix any occupation with ‘ex’ and it changes their self-image, as well as their attitude to one other. An ex-Rolling Stone? That’s not very rock ’n’ roll.
Status anxiety stems from where we stand – or trail – in the social and economic pyramid, and it gnaws at men more than women. A woman might hanker after the trappings of success, a des res or a holiday home, but she wants other things as well. A balanced work-family lifestyle matters to her, for example.
According to de Botton, pecking orders and the desire to occupy the optimum position within them have been with us through history. Even Shakespeare was susceptible to status anxiety. A critic pointed out recently that in Sonnet 110 the Bard admits “alas, ’tis true,” he has made himself a “motley” player – with the implication that he has lost social standing or at least the chance of advancement in court as a result. As William fretted about the greasy pole, Mrs Shakespeare was content to live quietly in Stratford-on-Avon and raise their children.
Women lack the same motivation to achieve status as men. Historically they haven’t been the breadwinners, and even when they joined the workforce their time there was often punctuated by absences during pregnancy and child-rearing. This may have seen them passed over for promotion but it also lent a breathing space from the hurly burly to take an overview and reassess their goals. It is not uncommon for women in their thirties and forties to change direction and move into a new career, even if it means starting at the bottom again.
Gwyneth Paltrow has pressed the pause button on her Hollywood career and prioritised her young family above her star status. Closer to home, Liz O’Donnell indicated she was no longer interested in a ministerial role because she had family commitments requiring her attention. Women tend not to worry about pride, bravado or how others will perceive them if they find it necessary to step down, and they are more prepared to speak up when they can’t cope or could use help. They are not slaves to status.
Blair, by comparison, is willing to sacrifice his legacy and his health, perhaps even shorten his life, to retain control. Even with a succession of health scares over the last three years, including an irregular heartbeat, he scaled down for roughly 20 minutes – fundamentally unwilling to share power. Presumably he knows, better than anyone, how addictive it tastes.
Status anxiety exists at a political level too, with Iraqis angered by the US for not showing them enough respect after Saddam Hussein was toppled. The Israeli-Palestinian conflict has a status element, two peoples feeling profoundly humiliated by the other. We’re witnessing status anxiety played out in the North, where the DUP yesterday had to decide whether it was worth Ian Paisley senior taking on the role of First Minister if it meant accepting Martin McGuinness as his deputy. We might like to think men could be encouraged towards an acknowledgement that status is inherently meaningless – but their anxiety seems to be intensifying, if anything. There’s a sense of people scrabbling to hold on to whatever positions they have managed to attain, within a shifting social order that promises little security.
Downsizing is a coping strategy, but it’s one men are reluctant to use. The house husband role reversal remains a rarity, one people marvel over when they encounter, whereas I’ve lost count of the number of successful, capable women who stepped off the career ladder and devoted more time to their families.
Men often complain about the life expectancy statistics, tetchily reminding women how they are likely to survive them. Currently in Europe and North America women can expect to live four to six years longer than men on average. Nobody really knows why this should be, although scholars argue that men are employed in more dangerous occupations or that they smoke, drink and drive more than women.
But I bet if more men abandoned their status fixation they’d reap the dividends in a longer life. The million dollar question, however, is would they want to live longer in ‘reduced’ circumstances? Old habits die hard and old prejudices die harder.
